Ego doesn’t have to be the enemy

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall

    -Proverbs 16:18

I am currently reading Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday. I have made it one of my goals to read more, and I thought that this would be a book to start with. What has been presented so far has been very insightful and interesting. Several of the things presented by Holiday so far have been things that I have thought of as well. The concept of the ego has always interested me after I first learned about the concepts of the id, ego, and superego in psychology in high school. I was even more fascinated with the concepts of the defense mechanisms.

As I learned more about psychology, I realized how intertwined the ego and pride are with one another. From my own experiences and interactions with others, I began to notice how ego and pride relate to our anxiety. I do agree with Holiday about ego being the enemy, but I don’t think that our ego has to be the enemy. Whether it is the concept of ego theorized by Sigmund Freud or a person’s sense of self, our ego serves a purpose like our other emotions and feelings, but nothing is as damaging as something that harms your ego. It makes us feel vulnerable and exposed and damages our pride. It makes us anxious when people get too close.

The funny thing is that we desire closeness and connection with others, and we push those closest to us away because they have the ability to hurt us. We’ve been hurt by others before, so why wouldn’t this person hurt us like the others have? This conundrum causes us to be the one to damage the relationships and hurt those that we love. Our ego causes us to become the people and thing that we despise, and because of our ego we are unable to see this and unable to address the issue because that requires vulnerability.

We all have a sense of self that we want to protect whether that sense of self is negative, positive, earned, or unearned. The common theme with all of us is our desire to protect that sense of self no matter what. Is it always worth it to protect our ego and pride? In my opinion, I don’t think it is always worth it. People have lost their lives, ended friendships, and lost themselves due to pride and ego. Instead of letting our pride and ego steer the ship, we should examine the discomfort that arises when our ego and pride are bruised to determine if the issue is important enough for us to act out of character.

How do you cope with the negative effects of ego?

Here is how I’ve learned to cope with my ego and pride. The first step is to learn to identify when your ego is getting in your way. The second step is to identify the emotion you are currently experiencing when your ego is bruised. Lastly determine how you want to respond to the situation. Is the situation worth a response and is your response in proportion to the situation? After you answer these questions, you should be able to respond in a way that aligns with your values

At times we allow our ego to override our values, if we want to live a fulfilling life, we must embody our values and be true to ourselves. Our egos take away our awareness and our ability to be our true selves if left to run rampant. We must learn to live with our ego without letting it take over when our pride is damaged.